Our Love Now
by Trinity Black
Summary: Change can hurt so much sometimes that it is hardly worth it. Are old habits really any worse than they used to be? Contains SLASH SB/RL Chapter 4 now uploaded. Chapter summary: Remus and Sirius have a much needed conversation.
1. Trendy internet cafe?

Title: Our Love Now (1/?)

Author Name: Trinity Black

Rating: PG-13 or R (I'm not too sure)

Pairing: Remus/Sirius

Summary: Change can hurt so much sometimes that it is hardly worth it. Are old habits really any worse than they used to be? 

A/N: I can't write summaries. 

A/N2: The idea for this came during an English class while we were reading a poem entitled 'Our Love Now' The original idea I had for this was much shorter but of all the things that could have formed in my head one had to be a plot. As for the others... I'm not telling. Also this is the first ever Remus/Sirius I have written and posted. Enjoy

Feedback: Greatly appreciated in any form :)

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Of all the places Sirius would have expected to find Remus Lupin a trendy café was not one of them. This may have explained in part why he found him outside a post office. He was unmistakable to Sirius. The way he stood. The way he dressed; a simple pair of Muggle jeans and a bit-too-big-for-him shirt, the top two buttons undone casually. His naturally-bleached hair shining softly under the mid-morning sun. He was gorgeous. Sirius realised that he could even faintly detect his distinctive scent. Surely he'd notice him soon.

Remus surprisingly didn't notice him then. He turned gracefully on his heel and entered the shop. From Sirius' position behind a parked car, he couldn't see the majority of the shop. Only the counter really. It was being manned by a petite blonde woman. Could you say it was being manned by a woman? Sirius decided that enquiry could wait until later, mainly because Remus had re-entered his view, carrying a Muggle newspaper.

His friend obviously knew the girl behind the counter, as he struck up a conversation with her. Sirius noticed that the pair were laughing about something. Remus ran his fingers through his mid-length hair, as Sirius had loved to do years ago. The woman leaned over the counter, with the pretence of picking up a bar of chocolate off the display. It was, however, obvious to Sirius that the action was performed to give Remus a better view of her cleavage. Sirius wanted to laugh, if he were human he would have. He personally thought Remus too much of a gentleman to do such a thing. Not that his friend was interested in the fairer sex. Sirius decided there and then that the clerk's attempts were futile.

The conversation over, Sirius watched as Remus left the post office, newspaper folded carefully under his arm. Sirius thought for a moment the werewolf had discovered him. He shook his head and began walking along the village's main road. Sirius followed him watching his every move.

It took only 10 minutes brisk walking to reach Remus' home. Remus' home in this case was an old farmhouse with a sign reading 'Bed and Breakfast' outside. The farmhouse part made sense; these Yorkshire villages seemed to be made up of little else. It was the Bed and Breakfast part that made Sirius worry, he knew Remus was a private person and it just didn't seem his style. Not to mention the fact Sirius would be unable to talk to his friend in such a place.

    Remus turned around then and looked right at Sirius, "come on then."

    Sirius realised then Remus had known of his presence the entire time. The bastard. Despite his sudden anger, Sirius followed Remus inside the farmhouse. 

    "Is that you Remus?" asked a woman's voice. Sirius thought it came from the same place the smell of sausages was coming from.

    "Yeah. Everything OK here?" Remus replied.

    "Sure it is. Breakfast will be ready at eleven. Are you eating with us today?" the woman asked. She poked her head around the door waiting for the answer. Sirius studied the woman carefully. She was in her mid-fifties and looked like one of those people who mothered everyone, definitely no one to be jealous of.

    "No today, Mrs Kendall. Will you send it up for me though?" Remus said. The woman, Mrs Kendall Sirius assumed, nodded and disappeared once more into the depths of the kitchen.

Sirius then began to follow his friend again, up two flights of stairs this time. Sirius allowed himself to be ushered through the only door on the landing. The rooms beyond the door were spacious; Sirius could easily believe they had been magically expanded. Sirius also thought it was likely that Remus had been living here for a while. Everything from the organised mess to the paintings adorning the walls seemed to match Remus' personality.

    "You can change back you know," Remus said, in Sirius' direction.

    Sirius did just that. He looked around cautiously, face etched with worry. Looking towards Remus, Sirius whispered, "what about the others?"

    "No one comes up here. The whole place is surrounded by silencing charms. You're OK." Remus' answer was distracted by something.

    "What's wrong?" Sirius asked.

    "You. Being here I mean. It's not a good thing." Remus was painfully blunt.

    "Yeah I know. You're right to think there's something wrong," Sirius began.

    "Stop right there," Remus interrupted. Sirius obeyed. "We aren't talking about this now. Or anything else that requires us to think for that matter. You get in the shower, just through there," Remus pointed helpfully, "and I'll find you something to wear. Then we'll eat breakfast."

    "Sirius nodded. He loved the way Remus managed to take charge. Orders flowing softly from his perfect lips.

Sirius stood in the shower, enjoying the feel of the water running down his back. In his mind Sirius was remembering the many times he and Remus had showered together. Remus would slide open the curtain, Sirius would pretend not to notice. Sirius would be disturbed by a series of light kisses on the back of his neck. Then Remus' tongue would begin caressing his ear, he'd moan with pleasure every time. Sirius remembered well how something so simple could make him feel so good. Sirius would turn round then and embrace the man doing such wonderful things to his body. The shower would continue to beat down on top of them as they kissed passionately, the hair they grasped for soaking wet.

Sirius was forced to stop thinking as he heard the bathroom door click open. Even over the noise of the shower Sirius could hear Remus' soft footsteps. His heart beat faster as they drew nearer. Sirius thought that maybe he wouldn't have to dream any longer. He could have sworn he could feel Remus' soft kiss on the back of his neck, his gentle hands on his back. He turned around and was met with the sight of nothing. The bathroom door clicked again. Remus had left the room. Sirius realised it might have been a bit much to pick up where they left off. The disappointment he felt at this thought was enormous; they would have to talk about it sometime.

Five minutes later Sirius felt cleaner than he had in a long time. He dried himself slowly with a soft towel left on a nearby rack. He realised then that the smell of sausages, and other foods, was filling the room. His stomach growled angrily in response to the smell. He did his best to ignore it and began to get dressed. Jeans and a shirt, just like Remus had been wearing. Sirius wondered if that was the only type of clothes Remus owned but doubted it. He must have robes lying around somewhere.

Sirius moved to the bathroom door. Breathing deeply he moved his hand to the handle. He didn't open the door immediately as he caught sight of himself in a mirror.

His hair was damp and all over the place, his skin had a slight glow to it and no longer looked deathly pale, a slight stubble covered his chin, not out of choice but because he couldn't find a razor anywhere. All things considered Sirius thought he didn't look too bad, he was still far too thin thought. His stomach repeated its earlier complaints to remind Sirius of the breakfast waiting for him.

Sirius opened the bathroom door. He spotted Remus straight away. He was eating some fried bread, steaming coffee by his side, reading the newspaper he had purchased earlier.

    "Are you sitting down or planning to stare all day?" Remus asked, rather too harshly in Sirius' opinion. While Sirius very much wanted to pick the latter option he took the seat opposite the werewolf. The promised breakfast was on the table in front of them both. Sirius wanted to help himself but his mother had always instilled manners into him, and such a thing would be rude. Remus looked over the top of the paper, allowing Sirius a perfect view of his deep brown eyes, "help yourself."

Sirius wanted this to be an invitation to kiss the other man but settled for the breakfast. He could talk at the same time though, "what's with this?" Sirius asked somewhat cryptically. Heavier subjects could wait.

    "What's 'this?'" Remus asked, without putting the paper down.

    "This, the bed and breakfast." Sirius prompted.

    "Somewhere to live. Legally I own this place but Mrs Kendall, from downstairs, runs the place on my behalf. I just stay up here and go about my business in private." he explained.

    "How... how did you manage...?" Sirius began, but trailed off uncomfortably.

    "To afford this place?" Remus finished. When Sirius nodded he continued, "My job at Hogwarts paid well. This place was going cheap as well, haunted apparently."

    "By what?" Sirius asked.

    "A couple of Boggarts, some bats and a rather lost bunch of fairies. No problem," he explained further.

    Sirius chuckled, "haunted by fairies?"

    "Don't ask." Remus put his paper down, folding it careful with his nimble fingers. Sirius had finished the breakfast, looking at the empty plates Remus asked, "Do you want anymore?"

    Although Sirius wasn't full as such, he decided it was best to get to business, and declined Remus' offer politely.

    "What's wrong then? As this isn't likely to be a social call is it?" Remus asked.

    "Well we can catch up if you want," Sirius teased. Remus said nothing. Discouraged by Remus' apparent lack of interest in his advances, Sirius began to tell the story of Voldemort's return.

Remus didn't say anything as he listened to the tale, nor did he ask questions at the end. Sirius watched as Remus shook his head slowly. Remus stood up and walked through into what Sirius imagined to be the kitchen. Sirius decided to follow him.

It turned out that Sirius suspicions were correct, it was indeed the kitchen. The light pastel yellow of the walls did nothing to erase the ark mood of the two men. Sirius saw Remus resting on a cabinet with his back to him. His muscles were barely noticeable through the loose shirt, but they were there. Everything about Remus seemed tense and Sirius didn't like it. At some point the kettle had been turned on, as it had just begun to boil.

    "Do you want a drink?" Remus asked quietly.

    "Sure," Sirius replied. Sirius only watched as Remus reached up and got two mugs out of the cupboard above him. Doing this of course moved his shirt up, allowing Sirius a tiny view of the pale skin of Remus' back. As soon as it had appeared it was gone again. Remus was now putting coffee in the mugs now. And a spoonful of sugar for each of them. 

    "Pass the milk please," Remus said, pointing towards the fridge.

Sirius did so willingly; it gave him an excuse to close the huge physical gap between Remus and himself. When he finished he was close enough to smell Remus, something he did gladly. Remus only tensed slightly at this, something Sirius barely noticed. Sirius suddenly felt brave. Slowly he wrapped his arm around the taller man's slim waist. Remus stiffened this time, and made no attempt to hide it either. He shook off Sirius' embrace easily.

Remus turned to face Sirius. Sirius looked at his ex lover and hated the look on his face. With a hint of anger in his voice, Remus asked, "what do you think you're doing?"

    "I thought that would have been obvious," Sirius said sarcastically.

    "Yes and not particularly wanted," Remus replied scathingly.

    Those simple words seemed to break Sirius' heart in two. Numbly he asked, "what about us?"

    Remus looked thoughtful for a second before the mask was pulled back over, "what about us? Sirius there is no us."

    Sirius was unable to conceal his shock at the words of his now former-lover. His face would have shown anyone looking how he was feeling on the inside. He appeared quite simply to be broken. Remus turned his back to Sirius, just so he didn't have to look.

    The silence was suffocating. Sirius wanted to transform, wanted to leave the other man's company. He couldn't stay, not after that, but somehow he couldn't bring himself either. He just stood, waiting.

    "Sirius?" Remus' honey voice asked gently. He hadn't turned around.

    "Yeah," Sirius answered, his voice was barely above a whisper but was laden with the many emotions he was presently feeling.

    Remus shuddered inwardly at the voice. Out loud he said, "I'm sorry, Sirius. It shouldn't have to be this way. It's just…"

    "It doesn't matter really does it? It's over." Sirius replied angrily. Now he could leave. He stormed out of the kitchen, even thinking about slamming the door for effect. He made it half way through the living room before Remus' voice caused him to stop, asking him to wait. 

    "I don't want an explanation. It's finished and past that I don't care. I've told you about Voldemort now I can leave," Sirius said.

    "Where are you going to go?" Remus asked.

    "Why do you care?" Sirius responded.

    "You're my friend," Remus answered simply; "I have to care."

    "Bollocks. You don't give a shit; you just don't want me to do anything stupid. And that's only because you would blame yourself."

    "Same thing isn't it?" Remus asked. Sirius shook his head as though Remus was missing something important. "Then what?"

    "I can't stay here after that," Sirius said pointing to the kitchen.

    "That's not my fault," Remus said.

    "Really? Whose was it? The tooth fairy's?" Sirius asked sarcastically.

    "No one's. Too much has changed. I'm a different person now than I was then."

    Sirius scoffed, "You were never a person in the first place." This time Remus was left standing in shocked silence. Sirius took the opportunity to leave the apartment. He made it outside the door and leaned with his back against the wall. The door was shut. He couldn't see Remus now. Sirius liked that, he couldn't see the pain on the man's beautiful face. The hurt in eyes he had willingly gazed in for hours on end. He had wanted to make him hurt. Hurt like he was hurting, and that was the only think of. A cheap shot – saying something completely different to what he believed. He couldn't take much more of this. Too much had happened. He slid down the wall and curled up with his knees pulled into his chest. Silent tears began to stream down Sirius' face. He didn't wipe them away, he just let them come.


	2. Illness

Title: Our Love Now (2/?)

Author Name: Trinity Black

Rating: R 

Pairing: Remus/Sirius

Summary: Change can hurt so much sometimes that it is hardly worth it. Are old habits really any worse than they used to be? 

A/N: I can't write summaries. 

Feedback: Greatly appreciated in any form :) Thank you all for the feedback for the last chapter it made me post this faster keep it up. Trinity x

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    When Remus discovered him half an hour later Sirius was still curled up helplessly. Attempts to attract Sirius' attention failed miserably. Remus waved his hand in front of the man's face one last time. Nothing happened so Remus pulled Sirius to his feet himself. Sirius still gave no response, he allowed himself to be dragged back into Remus' flat with slow sluggish movements. To Remus it appeared as though Sirius was in a kind of trance or a waking sleep. If he was right it would surely be possible to wake him up, which in the long run was probably better than calling for medical help considering Sirius' fugitive state. If Sirius didn't return to a more normal state, well Madam Pomfrey may be getting a late afternoon call, which was something Remus hoped wouldn't have to happen. The main reason for this was the possibility he would have to explain what had transpired between them before Sirius slipped into this state. Taking another look at Sirius, Remus began to wonder if this was something his friend was doing to hit back at Remus for his words from before. If it was then Sirius knew exactly how to get his friend to worry, and in a way hurt more than the cold words from before, especially since he was blaming the whole thing on himself. Remus had long known that Sirius was one of the most stubborn people alive but even so he thought there was something other than Sirius' stubbornness causing him to be so unresponsive.

    Remus helped Sirius to sit on his settee. He looked into the eyes of the dark haired man. They were dull and lacked the familiar spark that had been present in not only his youth but in their conversion of a while ago.

    "You stay there. I'm going to get you a glass of cold water or something. Is there anything in particular you want?" Remus asked tenderly. His hand was resting on Sirius shoulder in an unnoticed attempt at comfort.

    With a look over his shoulder to the practically comatose man occupying the two-seater settee, Remus entered his kitchen. As quickly as he could Remus poured a glass of cold water from the jug he kept in the fridge. He took the glass to the living room and offered it to the other man. As expected Sirius didn't respond or even appear to notice. If he had noticed he didn't show it.

    "Fine be that way," Remus complained. He looked at Sirius with another worried glance. His skin had lost almost its entire colour and was a grey colour which would easily be associated with the ill. Remus pressed his palm to Sirius' forehead to check for a fever and sighed a sigh of relief when there was none.

    Remus then attempted to make Sirius drink himself. He lifted the glass up to Sirius lips and tilted it slightly, a little ran down Sirius chin but he didn't take any into his mouth.

    God, Siri will you just wake up?" Remus' plea was ignored. A simple look at his friend, and ex-lover, was enough to make Remus panic. He was almost certain there was something wrong with Sirius but he was sure that he shouldn't call someone else in to deal with him. Remus was also becoming increasingly worried that his harsh words from before were responsible for Sirius' condition. Remus began to pace up and down on the lacquered floor of his flat. He was becoming increasingly angry, without explanation, with each step. It was this anger which dictated his next move, anger and memories of waking up a fourteen year old Sirius. He picked up the glass of water and splashed it in his face.

    Unlike Remus' other ideas about rousing his friend this at least caused a reaction. The numb look on Sirius' face was replaced by one of shock. Remus' anxious look was replaced momentarily with one of relief.

    "Wha... What's happening? Re, is that you?" Sirius mumbled. Remus became even more relieved at hearing Sirius' voice, it was a sure sign things weren't as bad as he had begun to imagine. Sirius' face was still adorably puzzled; nevertheless it was once again animate. As soon as he had thought it Remus mentally chastised himself for thinking that way about his friend.

    "It's OK. I'll just go get a towel or something, for... well, yeah. Sorry about that." Remus said looking at the dripping man on the settee.

    A couple of minutes later Remus handed the promised towel to Sirius. Their hands met under the folds of cloth and Remus was sure the small touch lasted too long. The tension was building up again. Sexual tension, as thick as it ever had been when they were lovers.

    Sirius took the towel and began to dry his face, his movements were not as graceful as Remus remembered they could be. His nimble hands, always his hands, they seemed useless appendages. Remus ran his own hand through his hair; it had become something of a habit of late. Still the soothing quality it usually held wasn't present. It was all Sirius' fault. His wonderful fingers had always felt better running through Remus' hair than Remus' own. 'They felt better doing other things as well,' Remus thought. He tried not to dwell on this thought, or acknowledge the many memories plaguing his mind, the heat in his groin was already rising and Sirius could not be allowed to see the effect of his presence. Especially not after what happened before. He would have to deal with the problem later though as Sirius' condition was much more of a cause for concern.

    Quite suddenly Remus found himself looking Sirius Black almost square in the eye. This was only almost because Sirius was a couple of inches taller.

    "You OK?" Remus asked and immediately he felt like an idiot.

    If Sirius though Remus an idiot he didn't show it. Instead he nodded and said, "I think so actually, but I could do with a quick nap or something." 

    Remus knew this was Sirius' way of saying he was staying and he was going to get much better. "Come on, you can have my bed for now. You're not that well so don't complain." Remus said.

    "I'm just tired, that's all. Really tired, and in more ways than one." Sirius countered but he followed Remus anyway.

    As Remus walked toward his bedroom he could feel Sirius watching him. He could also feel the discomfort caused by his growing erection. Remus tried his hardest to ignore both but couldn't ignore either very well.

    "Remus entered his bedroom first, Sirius seemed to follow nervously."I can shut those if you want," Remus said, "The curtains I mean."

    Sirius looked out of the window, then to Remus. He said, "If you would. I mean the view's gorgeous but there's too much light."

    "I know what you mean," Remus replied. He drew the curtains effectively blocking the view of the surrounding Moors and the offending sunlight. Remus was glad of this as it made everything much less noticeable. Obviously not to Sirius, Remus thought as he noticed the other's stare aimed directly at his groin.

    "You can stay if you want, "Sirius said with something of a grin. He patted the bed beside him to punctuate his point.

    "No, I can't Siri and you know it," Remus replied hoping Sirius would let it rest.

    Remus should have realised long ago that Sirius let nothing rest. He untangled himself from the covers and moved to stand in front of Remus. "I don't know why you can't but I know you want to." Sirius proved this point with a quick, gentle squeeze of Remus balls.

    "No," Remus snapped, "I don't want to."

    "No? Just about everything else says otherwise. I suppose you'd rather give yourself a hand job to deal with that, eh?" Sirius said in a half-mean, half-playful tone, which Remus found strangely erotic.

    "I'm going to forget you ever said that by morning and that this ever happened, but only because you're ill." Remus said quietly.

    "I still know what I want," Sirius said. At this point Remus felt himself be grabbed by two surprisingly strong hands. He feared that he was going to be thrown on to the bed but instead he felt, for the first time in fourteen years, Sirius' moistened lips meet with his own. Remus' lips parted with the shock and Sirius' tongue wasted no time finding its way into Remus' mouth. The kiss was rough, but it was passionate. Remus gave as good as he got but he wasn't sure Sirius was feeling anything close to the ecstasy creeping through his body. Electricity surged with every touch from the men's groping hands. Sirius went to pull Remus towards the bed. Their mouths still hadn't separated. Remus felt Sirius tug towards the bed. With his superior strength Remus stopped the tugging and the kiss in one push. Sirius was left half sitting, half lying on the bed with his long hair all over the place. He too had a noticeable erection, which Remus promptly pretended never to have seen. Both men were panting for breath. 

    A small time passed before Sirius laughed. In between pants for breath he said, "I told you I knew what I wanted. I just wish the same could be said for you."

    "Fuck you, Black," Remus said as he left the room out of sheer anger.

    Through the door he heard Sirius say loudly, "I think that was the idea Remus and I certainly wouldn't say no." Remus shook his head and stood there. He stood outside the door for around ten minutes; just to make sure Sirius didn't try anything. To make sure that he was asleep.

   When snoring from within could be heard satisfying his curiosity, Remus retreated to the bathroom for a cold shower


	3. Since when have I not been reasonable?

Title: Our Love Now (3/?)

Author Name: Trinity Black

Rating: R

Pairing: Remus/Sirius

Summary: Change can hurt so much sometimes that it is hardly worth it. Are old habits really any worse than they used to be? 

A/N: I know this took a while but it is mainly because I am once again attending the godforsaken place known as school. I will try to get one chapter or more out every week though.

Feedback: Thank you so much for all the feedback I've received so far I'm glad you're all enjoying it. If you have any suggestions they are greatly appreciated in any form :)

    Sirius' first observation upon waking was that his head hurt. Not just any hurt but the type usually suffered after a few too many drinks. Thankfully however there was no extreme desire to re-experience yesterday's meals accompanying the headache and Sirius decided he could cope with it.

    He rolled onto his back slowly. He was somewhat surprised to discover that he was in a bed, even though he must have known it all along. Judging by the familiar scent of the bed it was Remus', which seemed to tally with his fragmented memories of the day before. Sirius wanted to turn over once more and bury his head in the pillow obviously favoured by the werewolf. Two pillows, a double bed. Sirius toyed with the idea of Remus not spending nights alone. He came to no conclusion, and only really succeeded in making himself angry and his head hurt even more. 

    Thinking of Remus brought a desire to see him, it always did. Only this time, Sirius realised, it was possible. Quicker than he should have, given his headache, he stood up. He tried to get a better idea of his surroundings but it was still night. No, that wasn't right the curtains were drawn. He walked slowly over to where the window was and pulled open the curtains. It didn't matter what the inside looked like anymore, the view outside was gorgeous. Sirius whispered, "Shit." He had just remembered last night. Headaches could make you forget some pretty damn important things. Important but very stupid. Very stupid but enjoyable. The thought of Remus' kiss was just that, important, stupid and enjoyable. It wasn't really Remus' kiss though as he had forced himself onto Remus. "Fuck." Sirius said in the typical style of someone who remembers doing something stupid. Remus had said he would forget it, or not mention it at least. Sirius was sure Remus would keep to his word but was unsure how much the other man would be willing to forget. Sirius didn't want to forget any of it and surely… surely Remus felt the same. Wouldn't he?

    Sirius walked away from the view and towards the door. The room, Sirius noticed, was decorated in blues and white and its overall effect was one of style (which was uncharacteristic of Remus) and sophistication (which wasn't).

    From what Sirius had seen the rest of the apartment the general effect seemed to match well.

    Before Sirius left what had been his room for the night he took a deep breath. He then pushed open the pine door and left the room.

    Sirius saw Remus immediately. He was sat on the settee, feet tucked under one side of his body, he leaned slightly towards the arm rest and was holding a book of some description in his hands. Sirius smiled at what was a once familiar sight. Remus would usually be disturbed from his reading by a quick peck on his cheek, from Sirius of course but that was a long time ago. Sirius decided he wasn't anywhere near brave enough and settled for a friendly, "Morning."

    "Afternoon." Remus corrected.

    "Really?" Sirius asked. He massaged his temples trying to rid himself of his headache. "How long…?"

    "Near enough a day." Remus replied to Sirius' unfinished enquiry. Without even being asked he supplied. "There's ibuprofen in the kitchen if you want it." He'd managed to say all this without even looking in Sirius' direction.

    "Lifesaver. Thanks." Sirius responded. He just had to hope Remus understood him; he always had in the past. He plodded into the kitchen and straight back out again without even the smallest of glances. "Where?" 

    "Remus chuckled. His laugh was the most beautiful music that had ever made Sirius' head hurt. "I already put some out for you with a glass of water. They're on the sideboard under the window. You would have noticed if you'd bothered to look around."

    Sirius mumbled an indistinct reply to his love and walked back into the kitchen. True to Remus' word the tablets, and the water, were laid out on the creamy white countertop. With only a little effort he managed to swallow the pills. His head began to feel clearer almost straight away. The miracle of modern medicine, either that or a fair bit of magic, Sirius wasn't sure.

    Sirius spread his hands over the countertop to steady himself whilst his balance completed its last baby steps to normality. The memories of last night were once again flooding his, now pain-free, head. Although he had acted on the way he felt Sirius was beginning to regret his actions. Firstly because he had acted like a drunk teenager, completely unable of controlling his own actions. Secondly, and most importantly to Sirius, he had probably ruined any chance of having a relationship with Remus in any capacity. Then again hadn't Remus kissed back? It was all too confusing.

    He turned on his heel intent on apologizing to his friend.

    He bottled it as soon as he saw Remus. Sirius tried to justify his actions to himself by saying the other man wouldn't appreciate it. He felt awful, but still not awful enough to do anything about it. He flopped down onto the settee, defeated.

    "Any good?" Remus asked.

    "Yeah, my head feels great." Sirius replied honestly.

    "It must do. You've rejoined the world of people who use full sentences when speaking." Remus said.

    "Yes, but not the very exclusive world of the incredible witty." Sirius said. Although they were joking with each other Sirius still believed that the atmosphere was uncomfortable.

    "Fair enough." Remus, finally, looked up at Sirius. "You look better as well."

    "Thanks I think." Sirius said. He was looking back at Remus, although unsure of were to look. He also was dying to make a similar comment about Remus' appearance, but it was one of his worst ideas yet.

    "Do you want to know what was wrong with you?" Remus asked?

    "Figured it out already?" Sirius asked surprised.

    "I needed to know if I needed to obtain medical assistance." Remus replied.

    "Do you have to?"

    "Not really."

    "Then I don't need to know." Sirius said. He looked at Remus curiously for an explanation anyway.

    "Exhaustion. Physical and probably mental as well." Remus said. Sirius nodded for him to continue. "Symptoms include tiredness, trance-like states, confusion, and on occasion the sufferer may become delusional."

    "Nice." Sirius said. He smiled at Remus. His voice alone could cause this particular response, even with the harsh note on delusional. "Thanks for looking. I still don't think you had to."

    Remus effectively stopped the discussion with a wave of his hand. "I'm going to the shops, if you don't mind that is"- Sirius shook his head –"Can I get you anything?"

    "Not really." Sirius said.

    "Sure?" Remus asked.

    "Fine, a box of After Eight mints."

    "You are a very strange man." Remus said.

    "I know." Sirius replied. He smiled at the look of confusion causing his friends brows to knit together. "What should I do while you're gone?"

    "Erm… whatever you want." Remus replied. He then seemed to realise this wasn't the best thing to say. "Within reason."

    "Moony. I'm offended. Since when am I not reasonable?" Sirius replied in mock horror.

    "Since… since… well just about forever. The TV's over there. Have fun figuring out how to work it. If you get bored I suppose you could look around this place or even take a walk. I don't think anyone would recognize you; they're all Muggles around here.

    Sirius looked excitedly towards the TV. "Great."

    An hour and a half later Sirius was well and truly bored. Working the television had been fun but once he had that down… all he could say was that he finally understood the nastier comments about daytime TV. He wasn't brave enough to attempt going downstairs. He just didn't want to be surrounded by all those people; it had become something of a phobia with him.

    Instead of going downstairs Sirius decided he would take a shower. He had just finished when he heard Remus shout that he was home. Sirius felt disappointed the words weren't preceded by "Hi honey" but he lets it pass.

    Sirius hurried to get dressed; Remus didn't exactly need an eyeful of him naked right away. He walked slowly into the living room. Sure enough Remus was ridding himself of the wet jacket he was wearing. 'When had it rained?' Sirius thought to himself. "Hey."

    "There you are. I thought you'd gone out or something." Remus said looking towards Sirius.

    "Nah. I didn't mind staying here. I got bored of the TV and took a shower. I didn't think you would have minded." Sirius said. He walked over to the coffee table where many of Remus' shopping bags had been dumped.

    "Not at all." Remus said. Remus walked over to Sirius and slapped his hand lightly. "Keep your Snape-like nose out of my stuff."

    Sirius' hands immediately shot up to his nose to check it was still as well proportioned as he remembered. "Don't scare me like that."

    "It stopped you didn't it?" Remus said, with an unusually cheeky grin on his face.

    "Yeah, but even so… that's not funny." Sirius said with a smile on his face.

    "Whatever. Yours is in that bag over there." Remus pointed towards the fireplace.

    "Did you use floo powder?" Sirius asked.

    "Yeah, is that a problem?"

    "Just wondering. It explains why your jacket's wet." Sirius explained.

    "Ever the little detective." Remus commented.

    Sirius smiled back at his friend's comment and walked over to the fireplace. He picked up the paper bag and looked inside. The bag's contents were definitely not what he had been expecting. A long thin box. Too thin to be a box of After Eights. Any wizard with any sense would know what was inside. Even Sirius who wasn't exactly famous for his sense, more infamous for the lack of it, could take a good guess at what was inside. He took the box out and opened it. Tucked in amongst red velvet there was a wand, his first for thirteen years. He looked to his friend for an explanation.

    "Dumbledore had it made. I just picked it up. It's mahogany, 7 and 7/16 inches, with a core of unicorn hair. Dumbledore said it would suit you." Remus explained.

    "God, that man is a genius," Sirius said whilst showering the room with multicoloured sparks, and before producing various loud sounds and changing the fruit bowl into a chicken and back.

    "Alright, that's enough. You can mess about later when there's less chance of me being injured." Remus said.

    Sirius wanted desperately to argue but he did exactly as he was told. He tucked his wand inside his waistband, which once again belonged to a pair of jeans. "Say Moony…"

    Remus looked up, dread written on his face, "What?"

    "Where's my chocolate?" Sirius asked.

    "Go get it yourself." Remus pointed towards the table. "There's a fiver on there somewhere, use that. You know where the shops are. You'll be fine; you've got your wand with you if you need it."

    "Fine." Sirius said. He took the money and headed out of the door. He wasn't all that worries about being caught but all the people… He hoped Remus was right.


	4. If it's too soon now?

A/N: This is a fic I first started a long time ago, and since getting back into writing fanfiction I have been wanting to finish it. So here is the first of the new parts – and as I don't have far too much on my plate at the moment I will finish it this time. As a side note this was started before OotP was released - some of the things within the story might not match entirely with canon.

#-#-#

Sirius felt more than a little strange walking down the street in human form. Remus obviously hadn't been lying when he said that the village was quiet – in the past five minutes he had only seen one other person. And his dog. The tranquil atmosphere did little to calm Sirius' nerves, however, after all it only took one person to recognise him and he'd be dragged back to Azkaban.

Sirius remembered the wand currently residing in his waistband – maybe he could have a fighting chance. He was pretty sure he could remember how to do a basic memory charm. The blonde woman who came out from a side street nearly became an experimental case – Sirius' reflexes saved her memory. He shook his head almost imperceptibly.

"Morning," said the blonde woman.

"Uh… morning," replied Sirius. Sirius knew that the terror in his heart at being acknowledged by another person was a little ridiculous. The wizarding population of Britain wasn't big enough that there was much of a chance of him being recognised in a village in the middle of nowhere.

Remus wouldn't have let him leave the B&B if there were any other wizards around here. At least Sirius didn't think his… friend was that eager to get rid of him.

Sirius wondered if he should just turn back. Chocolate wasn't that important after all. The decision was pretty much taken out of Sirius' hands – he had already reached the village shops. There wasn't much point in turning back now.

There was not a lot of choice when it came to shopping venues; the village basically consisted of the post office, a newsagent, a bakery, and a supermarket. And possibly a pub – Sirius remembered seeing one on the way into the village. It was the kind of place he could imagine Remus loving – he didn't exactly dislike it himself.

Sirius headed towards the supermarket. Despite the miniscule size of the shop (compared to those which had surrounded his London flat of over fifteen years ago) there was still more choice in food than Sirius had experienced in quite a while. Conscious of the fact the only money he had was the fiver Remus had given him Sirius set to the task of picking himself a treat.

After five minutes of intense scrutiny he decided on a sherbet fountain, and the box of After Eights he had originally requested. He handed the note over to the shopkeeper before leaving. The shopkeeper wished him goodbye as he left – _ridiculously friendly village – had no right making him jump._

Sirius left the shop and was going to head straight back to the bed and breakfast – at least that was the plan. His attention had been captured by a chocolate cake in the bakery opposite. Sirius knew that a could make a perfect peace offering for Remus; after the way Sirius had behaved in the past couple of days, _well, Remus deserved it_.

Five minutes later, and after some embarrassing confusion with Muggle money, Sirius began the short walk back to Remus' house. And hopefully some serious relationship repairs.

#-#-#

Sirius reached Remus' place without any more terrifying encounters with the local populace, and unlike before there were no people in the kitchen who could ask him questions. Sirius took the stairs up to Remus' room two at a time – a small thud from within the cake box he was carrying told Sirius that it may not have been among his better ideas to do so. As he had already arrived at Remus' flat the thought was useless.

"I'm back." Sirius called into the lat. He couldn't see Remus – but the television was on suggesting that the other man was not far away.

Something proven seconds later when Remus appeared from the kitchen holding a teapot. "I've just boiled some water – would you like a cup?"

"Perfect. I even brought cake to go with it." Sirius lifted the bag to show Remus. "It's chocolate."

"I was convinced at cake. Bring it through – I'll get some plates."

Five minutes later Sirius and Remus were sat on opposite sides of the small dining table in Remus' kitchen. Each had a cup of tea and a slightly battered piece of cake in front of them. An awkward silence had descended simply because neither man knew what to say.

Sirius could barely keep himself from staring at Remus, and he was only trying not to stare because the last thing this situation needed was an additional source of discomfort. "The tea's good." Sirius recognised his attempt at breaking the silence for the pathetic chit-chat that it was.

Remus took the bait. "The cake is nice. It was a good idea."

_Well, that was that topic pretty much exhausted._

"Sirius-"

"Remus-"

They had spoken simultaneously – and both stopped to allow the other to finish. Remus gestured for Sirius to begin. Sirius felt hundreds of different words bubble up inside his throat – each desperate to get out, and none the perfect words for the situation.

Remus was waiting. Sirius said what he thought was most important. "I'm sorry."

"So am I." Remus' reply was brief; others may have been disappointed but the fact they were talking about it at all lifted Sirius' spirits immensely.

"I shouldn't have presumed that you would… that you would still – well, still want me." Sirius' words were slow and carefully considered – something which he hoped would prevent Remus from getting angry again.

"Twelve years is a long time, Sirius." Remus' voice was filled with emotions that Sirius had never possessed the ability to fully comprehend – let alone after such a long time apart. "People change."

"You or me?" Sirius wished that he could tell without asking – or at least deduce it using common sense – but everything about Remus was vague and secretive. He never used to be like that.

"You or me – it makes it sound too simple. We've both changed. It would be strange if we hadn't changed. I mean what with…"

Remus' reasons were left unspoken – but Azkaban and misattributed betrayal hung in the air like a bad smell anyway.

"I didn't say nothing had changed, I-" Sirius didn't know how to finish; 'I just acted that way', 'I didn't want us to change', 'I just needed you' – all sounded a little pathetic.

"I did miss you, you know?" Remus' question was something of a surprise. "But-"

"'But' what?" Sirius was pleased that the focus of the conversation had moved to Remus. He only hoped that his response wasn't too aggressive.

"I know it sounds strange… but it's too soon."

Sirius didn't think it sounded that strange. Besides, something in Remus' words gave him hope; he had to ask. "If it's too soon now… does that mean at some point it won't be?"

"Let's wait and see what happens." Remus' words were neutral – but the small nod of his head that accompanied them warmed Sirius' heart.

Sirius smiled slightly, as the two of them finished their tea and cake.


End file.
